Planning, Planning, Planning…Do you really have to spend so much time planning a travel experience for your family? What happens if you just let things go? Is it really a fail to plan?
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A common question I get is how long I spend planning the trips we take with our family. It definitely varies depending on the length, destination, purpose and goal of the trip. However, regardless of all of those factors, Benjamin Franklin was right
If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.
But what if you want to be spontaneous? Leisurely? Relaxed? Is all the planning still necessary?
Fail to Plan
I strongly believe that there is a difference between not planning and not having a plan. The difference lies in the intention.
Running around and cramming your days with museums, national parks, and cultural experiences isn’t for everyone. You may be looking forward to sleeping late, hanging out at the beach, and doing nothing. But, you know what? That’s a plan!
There have been times that we have had a jam-packed six weeks worth of plans. But, some of those plans included variations of “no plans”. Sometime this is entire days left as built-in breaks to re-group or catch-up on sleep or even just to start fresh the next day.
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Another purpose of “no plans” may be to allow for spontaneity. Driving along the I-80 in Nebraska, we passed a sign that said “Original Pony Express Station”. So, since we had built in leeway in our itinerary (i.e. no plans at that moment), we were able to see a piece of history.
Sometimes you have long stretches without plans and you know you have to stick something in there, but you just don’t know what. So, I don’t look at this as “not planned”, rather I look at this as “not planned yet”. We’ll come up with something.
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Two other reasons I like to leave chunks of time with “no plans” have to do with some long-term parenting goals that we have. Amongst other traits we want to instill in our children, we want them to be independent and appreciative. Tall order, we know. But, like I said, long-term. We are planting seeds and they take a while to germinate. As much effort as it takes to plan all the nitty-gritty, it is definitely easier to do so than listen to the inevitable whining of “I’m bored”. And, it is particularly infuriating in the midst of so many great activities and opportunities.
But, with the long term in mind, here goes. I tell the kids, “ok, go be bored”. The lure of the overscheduled kid is enticing. If they always have some sort of extra-curricular activity or playdate planned, they’ll never be bored and I won’t have to hear them kvetch. But, they’ll grow into adults who need to be constantly entertained and on the go. They won’t have any outlets of their own or a healthy approach to downtime. Boredom is a first-world 21st Century luxury. And I want to spoil my children with it. If I am constantly the one providing the plans, they will never learn how to “be bored”.
The unplanned time is a chance to learn how to be productive. Will they fill that boredom with a book? A hobby? An outing of some sort? Curled up on the couch the other day, one of my kids was reading “the best book”. Another one has started a business making weekly salads and dips in her spare time; and another is training for a 50 miles bike ride in his pursuit of becoming an Eagle Scout.
There is always the chance that they will do nothing. But, I also do nothing sometimes. Don’t you?
None of this happened overnight. We all know that when our kids “help” it takes [at least] twice as long and it’s not done correctly. But, nonetheless, it’s an investment.
I also like to leave intentional planning gaps to give them an opportunity to plan the day. Last summer, I gave each of my older kids a day to plan. My husband and I offered whatever assistance they needed. (Confession: I had three days that we had many miles between my planned destinations and I didn’t really want to come up with anything. So, it became a teachable moment. We made a lottery for who got which day/span of the route and they each had to plan it.)
It worked out great. One daughter knew her sister wanted to try fishing. So, through Harvest Hosts, she found a place to stop and learn how to fish. Her thoughtfulness was very impressive. My son found an antique instrument museum in a quaint small town through Roadtrippers. And my other daughter made no plans on her day. Fishing was a life skill and the instruments were fun. And the no planning? The other kids were resentful since they lost out (since we didn’t swoop in and make a plan for her). This was a great lesson in natural consequences.
This exercise gave them a glimpse into what goes into planning any of our travel experiences. They only had to plan a couple hours but it led to a greater appreciation and sense of gratitude.
7 Inspiring Benefits of Family Travel Experiences
Planning to Fail
In all honesty, sometimes I do actually plan to fail. I think there are great life lessons when things fail and sometimes those opportunities may need to be manufactured. However, the reality is, that inevitably things will fail at some point.
But, most often, the failures result from lack of planning. Disaster strikes with the trifecta of failed planning. Look out when your kids are tired, hungry, and cold all at the same time!! The tantrum you are experiencing was preventable with adequate planning to meet their basic needs.
True Confessions: Forgotten Luggage
My husband and I recently had the opportunity to spend a couple days in the Baltimore/Washington Area. Aside from the wedding we went for (shout out to the new couple!!), we only went with one plan: to spend some quality time together. We did do a bunch of sightseeing and go out to eat. But, we also spent a bunch of time saying things like, “so, what do you want to do” and “what else is there to see at this museum” and just wandering around.
In this scenario, it wasn’t a planning failure, since we were doing exactly what we had planned to do: spend quality time together.
But, at one point we were standing in the National Archives trying to figure out if we should see another exhibit or go somewhere else. There was a good five minutes of “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” I realized that if we had come with our kids with the same “lack of planning” it would have been disastrous!
Had we been with our kids, I would have known exactly what exhibits I wanted them to see and where we were headed next. Or, at least someone would have. 😉
There is a fine line between lack of planning and planning a lack. Some of the best memories and experiences exist within the window of “no plan”. But planning those windows of opportunity is crucial.
Not having a plan is not inherently a failure to plan. It all comes down to intention.
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